Friday, July 9, 2010

Pork ala Christophe

Steve,

I assure you I'm raring to go on this illegal immigration thing. By coincidence, I received a robo- call from some Republican running for a minor post in Paulding County, and by George, the whole call from start to finish was about what this dude was planning to do about - well, you guessed it - illegal immigration: the "Crisis du Jour" which has Republicans wetting their pants hither and yon. Now I won't deny illegal immigration is a problem - but why all of a sudden are Republicans running around with their heads on fire over it? I'll tell you why - but later. Right now I have something far more important to talk about. I call it,

Pork, ala Christophe
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Now its a well known fact that ever since some caveman accidentally left a hunk of mastodon steak out in the sun for a few days, men have loved jerky. Beef jerky, buffalo jerky, heck, any-meat-that-can-be-dried-out-and-eaten jerky. As a matter of fact, when they see any creature that walks, crawls, swims, soars, slithers, limps, creeps, squirms, paddles or wades - in, on or above the Earth - most men think of how they can turn it into jerky.
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That said, have you seen the price of jerky lately? Steve, its the most expensive thing in the grocery store! We could all dine on Kumamoto at Le Bernadin in New York City for less. WalMart sells a dinky bag of floor sweepings for around 4 bucks each - I think they're made of rubber. The really good stuff sells for 8 or 9 dollars for a two mouth-full bag.
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But thanks to a fantastic new discovery from the kitchens of Chef Christophe (me), our troubles are over! "Pork ala Christophe" is the same thing to store bought jerky as methadone is to heroin... only better. Pay attention now.
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First, go to the store and buy some really nice pork loin (currently selling at around 2 bucks a pound), and have it cut up into one inch steaks. Then go back home and cut the steaks up into 1/8" strips - like little pieces of bacon:
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As you can see, Chef Christoph is also preparing "Flat Iron Steak ala Christophe". Anyway, once you get your strips cut up - douse them in chili powder, like this:

Mmmmm..., doesn't that look scrumpdilyishous! Now, get your frying pan out and fill 'er up with canola oil. Then toss these little strips of heavenly goodness into the oil!

Let 'em cook down a ways. Buddy, you can't screw this up. The pork strip's gooses are cooked pretty much from the time they hit the oil anyway (or is that "geese's are cooked?), so just pop a top on a Bud Lite and by the time you're half way through they will probably be done. Then, let them drain on a convenient paper towel:


The last step is kind of optional. I put my Pork (strips) ala Christophe up in the fridge for a few hours - this sort of dries them out a little and makes them tastier. But if you've had enough beers while you are making them you probably will have eaten the whole day's production by the time you get to the fridge step anyway. So don't worry.

Steve, if you love jerky - and I know you do - these guys taste way better. Make some buddy, and in no time you will find yourself strolling into WalMart and telling them to stick their four dollar bags of dried guano where the air is always yucky and the sun never shines.
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You can thank me later...
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Chris
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Peace!

2 comments:

  1. I'll try it. I haven't been very successful with pork as a jerky main ingredient. As for beef - well, I let my legion of fans speak for themselves (seriously: ask Tim Roman about it sometime).

    I've got a dehydrator and know how to use it.

    My regular recipe is named "Weapons Grade"; spicy is "Afterburner"; and the new variety (still in development) is similar to teriyaki and tentatively named "Not Mary-Ann" (the main spice is Ginger). I'll try to save you some next time around.

    Enjoy.

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  2. Put me down for the Afterburner please.

    ReplyDelete