LRA&H Cook Book

Steve,

Left, Right, Across and Hold is now accepting entries for the official, LRA&H Cookbook! Anyone can submit as many recipes as they want and none will be refused - no matter how disgusting or repulsive. With full comprehension of this mind-blowing responsibility, may I, ahem, humbly submit this initial offering. I like to call it:

"CHINA SYNDROME OMELETTE"

You will need:

4 or 5 eggs
2, 3, or 4 fresh jalapeno peppers (habaneros if you have a death wish)
about 10 or 12 slices of pepperoni
a couple of shakes of pepper
1 or 2 handfulls of colby/jack shredded cheese
some cilantro (fresh is best)
cumin
Pam

OK, here we go. Chop up the peppers and pepperonis and mix them with the eggs in a bowl. Throw in the pepper, cilantro and cumin. If you want, take a tightly sealed jar of granular garlic, shake it over the bowl and enough will dislodge itself from the bottom of the jar to add a little character. Then, get yourself a medium sized, COVERED skillet, spray the bottom of it with Pam and crank up the heat. Just before the Pam starts to vaporize, throw in the egg mixture, turn the heat way down and put on the cover. This is crucial. You want the eggs to cook slowly from the bottom up.

When the eggs are about half done, throw in the cheese (and put the cover back on, dummy). After the cheese melts, turn the omelette over on itself - let it cook on one side, then turn it over and let it cook on the other side. Oh and by now even the least perceptive reader will know you have to keep putting the cover back on between operations.

When the omelette gets to be a golden brown, take it out, feed it to the neighbor's dog that keeps you up all hours with his constant barking, then go down to Waffle House to get yourself some real food.

No, seriously. If you like hot food this omelette is just the ticket. We call it "China Syndrome Omelette" because it melts a hole in your colon like a runaway reactor core. But do try to keep that image out of your mind while you are eating it.

-Chef Christophe