Tuesday, November 17, 2009

More Loaves And a Fish or Two


After posting my last list of annoying things, I went over to the Paulding County Court House to renew some tags. On the way I couldn't help thinking about a bunch of other things which tick me off. And, since its open season, here goes.

I can't stand all of these baboons who never learned how to say "please" and "thank you". One place they seem to congregate is the drive-up window at fast food places. Here's how they talk: "Yeah, I wanna Big Mac. And gimme a large fry and a coke.". Wanna... gimme... and never once a please or thank you. What total, undeserving clods they are! And while I'm on the subject, have you ever noticed how many fat people just have to go to the take out window to order lunch for the Russian Navy? I mean, there they sit, barking out this giant order while their mammoth SUV's single handedly blow holes in the ozone layer. And the rest of us poor slobs who just want a coke and a pop tart have to sit and smolder. Human nature being what it is, it wouldn't surprise me what the underpaid clerks who have to sit through this nauseating display of bad manners are probably doing to the order before they throw it in the sack. And I don't blame 'em a bit.

Another thing that gripes my gonads are people who borrow money from you and then expect you to constantly remind them of it. If I borrow a couple of bucks from someone I always remember to pay them back ASAP - and thank them in the bargain. But for some people that just isn't happening. When you go back to these miscreants for the third time, asking for you money back, they suddenly develop a raving case of amnesia. "Are you sure?" They ask. "Didn't I pay you back last week?" What horse manure. True story: I once loaned a measly ten dollars to a guy at work, then spent the better part of a year asking him to pay me back. I would have given up, but hey, it was the principle of the thing. Anyway, sweet retribution finally came in the form of an accounting error where GM mistakenly sent me a bonus check for $100.00 which should have gone to him. At first I told him I'd pay him the money back (minus my 10 bucks) in the same amount of time he took to pay me. This literally drove him nuts. Nothing ticks off a welsher more than somebody who welshes on him. Anyway, in the end, I gave him a check for his bonus, after subtracting 1. My 10 dollars. 2. One year's interest on my 10 dollars, and 3. compensation (@ $30.00/hour) for the amount of time I had spent ragging on him to pay me back. He didn't get much.

Now I consider myself to be a fairly tolerant person. But if there's one thing I can't stand, its line jumpers - and you see them everywhere. But for my money the worst, most loathsome form of line jumper is the jag off who is standing in line behind you when another register opens up nearby. Whenever this happens to me, I always tap the person in front of me on the shoulder and gesture to to open register. After all, they were waiting longer than me. But the open register creep is the guy who jumps out from behind everyone and makes for the new register like a heat seeking missile. And to heck with the poor lady in front of him who's dealing with a couple of whining brats, or the old guy carrying a 50 pound bag of charcoal. Hooo no, the only important thing to these fatheads is that they get out in front of everyone else. Sometimes you can just imagine yourself tripping them and then watching their cans of dog food and Beefaroni scatter all over the place.

Finally, and maybe this is a little picky, but you know Steve, a book - and I mean just about any book - is a lasting treasure. Truth is, I don't think anyone can really say they own a book. All we are actually doing is holding them in trust for the next person to read. This is why I detest people who roll the pages of a book over the spine when they read it. This causes the spine to curl up and the pages to fall out prematurely. The proper way to read a book is to hold it with both hands, with thumbs holding the pages open and fore fingers pressing in just above the spine. This eliminates strain on the spine and helps keep the book healthy and fit for the next generation. But do any of these conceited, inconsiderate spine rollers give a flying glob of phlegm? Once they're done with a book, the rest of humanity can just go sit and rot for all they care. I think there's a special place in Hell reserved for egotistical snobs like these - and its probably some hamburger stand where they have to sit and listen, eternally, to a succession of ill mannered boobs placing an order for the entire crew of the Starship Enterprise.

Beam me up, Steve!


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